Be There

Take a look at me,
look through these eyes,
See the pain,
That I've been through,
Then see the reasons why,

Cease the reason to be,
Through the hurt and the lies,
An empty shell remains,
But you say,
you already knew,
As I give out a sigh,

Don't say I told you so,

Don't say that you knew,

Don't wait till it's over,

To say I told you so,

I did it by myself,
I released the pain,
I broke away,
I now feel no hurt,
The wounds,
are now healed,
And just scares remain,
Vowing never to return,
To abuse,
Hell again,

Now I'm free from the torment,
Yet you say you already knew,
Never saying a word,
You just sat there,
and watched,

The pain I went through,
You knew what they were like,
You never said a word,
What do you need,

A BLOODY MIC? 

Listen to the screams,
Hear me cry,
Open my eyes,
and show me why,
If I need someone to talk to,
Whenever your son or daughter needs you,
Don't turn away,
Show that you care,
Be there.






Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

That One Last Breath

I lay in your arms,
and took,
That,
One,
Last,
Breath,
My heart was yours,
As he came,
Death,

I kissed you,
in that,
one,
final,
moment,
Stuck in that scene,
Of a tender moment,

Know that I'll love you,
In life as I will in death,
Forever think of you,
As I take,
my last breath,

I'll watch over you,
Protect you from harm,
And you know I would,
Every day,
hour,
minute,
second,
I'll be there for you,
No matter where,

Just remember,
I love you,
And I'll always be there,
right by your side,
When you think no one cares,

Look up and you'll see me,
One of those stars,
in the sky,
Never to far,
but always there. 
Believe in me,
You'll know who I am.




Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

Turn Around

 I know I'm in your way,
With these words you're not speaking,

There's things you need to say,
secrets you're still keeping,

I know it's not your fault,
Inside my head I'm screaming,

Been down this road before,
and my heart keeps on bleeding,

No! I can't take this anymore,
you're pushing me away,
No! It hurts to the core,

I'm falling deeper each day,
Like life has no meaning,

Turn around,
See these tears in my eyes,

Don't leave now,
Listen to how I feel inside,

Turn around,
I don't want to hide,

As my head looks up to the sky,
for the way I feel inside,

Turn around,
see these tears that I cry,
Don't leave me now,
with the pain I feel inside.






Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

Artistic License: Poetry in Motion

Artistic License: Poetry in Motion: For my latest poems of love, hurt, faith and dreams. : http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sorrowed-Mind-Tomorrows-Dream-ebook/dp/B005Y6DGPQ/ref=sr_1_5?...

Poetry in Motion

For my latest poems of love, hurt, faith and dreams. :http://www.amazon.co.uk/Sorrowed-Mind-Tomorrows-Dream-ebook/dp/B005Y6DGPQ/ref=sr_1_5?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1319405360&sr=1-5

Take Control

Here I am in this lonely room,
Trying to forget my past,
Of love that I thought would last,
I hurt my heart and soul,
With the secrets I didn't know,

Everyday I thought you were there,
Then I realised,
you just didn't care,
Turning your back,
as you walked away,
There was nothing left,
that I could say,

Sitting in this lonely room,
Thinking of what I had done,
Each time I gave my heart,
to someone,
I bleed out of control,
For the things I didn't know,

Everyday I thought you were there,
Then I realised,
you just didn't care,
Turning your back,
as you walked away,
There's nothing left,
that I could say,

I've got to move on,
pull myself up from this hole,
I've got to move on,
Regain my life and take control,

Pick myself up at the end of the day.




Copyright © 2011 John Bevan 

The Rising

To find you,
Is all I ever wanted to do,
To be with you,
I hope you can see,
You've touched,
The very heart of me,

I see you in my dreams,
Will you save me,
From this deep blue sea,
Cause I feel like I'm drowning,
Things may not be as they seem,

People talking,
Twisting their lines,
Something different,
Time after time,
Never showing,
Giving their all,
A new excuse,
A new story line,

Awaken from this dream,
Clear the nightmares from your head,
Reading the stories,
That are read,
See through the lies,
The twists and turns,
That are laid in the mind,

I have no secrets to keep,
No lies to tell,
I've swam in the deep,
And arose from hell,
Your heart I would keep,
And treasure it well,
With a love that's pure,
And is known well.




Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

Don't Speak!

My ex sent a message asking me to call her the other day. Thinking that it might be about my daughter I phoned. She proceeded to go in to a long conversation how her ex psychotic boyfriend has started to contact her through Fb. I said why don't you get in touch with the police and then block him off Fb. She replied I know I should but I've been slagging him off as well and messing with his head. I am totally done with all that crap yet she still feels the need to contact me each time something goes wrong trying to drag me back in to it. I can honestly say that it's starting to make me ill. I have enough troubles of my own. Maybe it's better that way but not talking about things leads to secrets and I've been there and wore the tea-shirt. It only leads to problems in one way or another. She should be talking to her parents or partner if she's still with him.

Sadness and Frustration

I remember all the sadness and frustration,
I remember all the pain I felt before,
To let it go is all I've wanted,
The pain and hurt I hate it,
The feeling is there within my core,


I remember all the sadness and frustration,
I remember all the pain and more,
She left me bleeding without explanation,
Left dying as I fall,


The visions of you are now forsaken,
only to see your face in my dreams,
Won't be long before I'm forgotten,
the words that are written I've seen,
No longer a vision in a dream
Just a distant memory it seems,


I remember all the sadness and frustration,
I remember the pain I've felt before,
just to find the one to hold my heart,
I know that I need to carry on.




Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

Suddenly

Suddenly you were there,
Shining silent love,
In my dreams,
I hold you there,
For that moment,
That moment when I'll be there,
I can feel you,
through that cool breeze of air,

Suddenly,
My heart is at ease again,
Suddenly,
There is no fear,
I'll fall again,

I see you,
as if you were here,
It soothes my mind,
Behind my mist filled eyes,

You are,
the summer light to me,
The sky is clear,
as I feel you next to me,

I dream of you,
In my arms again,
The love I seek,
I can see it in your eyes,
I can hear it,
when you speak to me,

Shining like love,
the flame I see,
I feel it deep inside of me,
And you,
You are there holding on,
I know now,
that it had never gone.



Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

Feel, See, Heal, Touch

Feel the sorrow,
I've felt inside,
See the hurt,
as my arms lie open wide,
Heel the pain,
as the tears I cry,

Touch my heart,
with the love I try to find,
Need to heal,
the scars of my mind,

Feel my touch,
As I lie with you,
See the beauty,
that I see in you,
Heal this heart,
with the things you do,
Touch the very soul of me too,
Needing,
Wanting to feel you. 






Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

Find Me

Look inside of me,
see the things I fear,
They're inside my mind,
Is this meant to be?
Is this what's to become of me?
Trapped in fear,

Time has past,
and you're still there,
Deep inside,
Screaming,
Hitting,
Killing me,
Set me free,
Release me,
Forever pulling me down,
Why can't you see?
Why can't you hear?
I try to tell you what I fear,
and what I'm trying to find,
Open your eyes,
see the pain I feel,
The tears,

Can't break free,
from these feelings,
The pain I feel inside,
have never been kind,
Twisting thorns,
wrapped around my heart,
The torture,
goes on in my mind. 




Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

The Loneliest Time

The loneliest time is waiting,
waiting to be with you,
Sitting here thinking of you,

My fading picture,
the invisible touch,
Wanting to see her,
Miss her to much,

Patiently waiting,
going out of my mind,
Unable to be there,
Just waiting for time,

Control is taken,
as they pull you apart,
Saying you love her,
with a bleeding heart,

Distance destroys you,
Each day,
Week,
Month,
you're apart,
Clasping on to memories,
that you held with your heart,

She drifts further away,
each time you say goodnight,
Your only wish,
is to hold her tight,

Never let go,
of the dreams you have,
Cling on to them for life,
and the love you have,
She knows you wait,
for the longest day,
Just to be with her,
In a loving way,

Never forget the times we had,
keep your head up,
don't be sad,
When our lives begin,
they'll be the best we have. 




Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

To Be With You

You welcomed me with open arms,
held me close,
kept me warm,
You sheltered me from the storm,

Your smile lights up my life,
Each time I look in your eyes,
the warmth I feel inside,
The pain that we both once knew,
from the abuse we'd both suffered,
and being through,

But you knew,
The love I have for you,
Was complete,
Total,
True,

Now I sit here,
Waiting to hold you in these arms,
To be by your side,
To say I do,
To love you all my life,
and protect you from harm,

Am I a hero,
No,
And I would never claim to be so,
I just love you with all of my heart,
Sit with you beneath the stars,
and kiss you where you are,

I'd move mountains,
part the sea,
Just to be with you,
You and me,
They say young love,
but it's never to late,
I'd stay with you past the heavens gate,
I am your friend,
Your love,
Your soul mate.



Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

Growing up

 I don't know why but I've always wanted to be loved. Maybe it's because of what I'd seen as a child and the relationships I'd been in over the years.
 The separation of my mom and dad was hard for me. It wasn't a pleasant experience and I don't think it is for any child. Each one of them had a view of the other over the break up. Each parent slagging the other off behind their backs not noticing the children standing next to them.
 Both my sister and I watched as my dad was literally kicked out of the house by my mom. We sat on the stairs crying as they argued over him leaving. At one point she told him if he didn't leave we would and proceeded to ask us if we wanted to move to America.
 As I grew up I had few girlfriends during my school years. It didn't help the fact that I was placed in to an all boys school during  my teens. I was a pretty shy lad as well which didn't help matters. Girls would always class me as a friend. At one point the lads at school were spreading roomers that I was gay. It pissed me off at the time because it wasn't for the lack of trying to get a girlfriend. It was just that I treated them differently to the boys at school. Not looking at them as if they were a piece of flesh. The girls I went out with at the time were not local to the area. My dad had managed to get himself a flat on the opposite side of town. We used to visit him over the weekend and he'd befriended a couple who lived in a block of flats opposite. Phil and Leslie were their names, they were a youngish couple. They had their nieces stay over during the holidays Pauline and Maxine. I went out with Maxine, who was thirteen. I was eleven at the time and most definitely a virgin in all aspects of having any sort of dating. She was my first kiss, it's funny how you remember the name of your firsts.
 We lost contact with them after a few years. It wasn't until I was sixteen my dad told me he'd an affair with Leslie. I don't blame him because it turned out that Phil was abusing her.


  

My Dreams, My Hopes, My pains, ME!! Please feel free to comment on anything that is posted. We all go through changes within our lives, Some Good, Some Bad, Some Happy, They lead to our own, Individual path.

Please circulate my first ebook available to download follow link :The Sorrowed Mind (Tomorrows Dream) ~http://ow.ly/76hup #poetry #kindle

To Be Loved

All he ever wanted was to be loved,
the way he loved,
He gave his heart to the ones he loved,
but it wasn't enough,

They used him and abused him,
cut his heart out and bled it dry,
They left him there,
As the tears began to roll down his eyes,
for the pain he felt inside,

Looking for the one,
to make him breathe again,
Someone who knew and felt the same,
Gave their heart to him as he would to her,
longing to be with her,
as she yearned to be with him,

Both praying for the dream to start,
but distance has kept them apart,
He feels so lost without her,
and her without him,

The immigration process is the ultimate test,
to be with the one you love,
He holds his hands up to the heavens above,
is this the price we pay for love,
If he was rich enough he'd be there today,
but his not so he has to wait and stay,
For the process to play,

A loving pair with an average income,
£500,000.00 to invest in property,
would get you there easily,
Is this the way it's meant to be,
to love someone and have to wait and see,
while the rich have it so easily.


True love, poetry and pain download http://t.co/x7cGTDL


Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

I Need You

Only you,
Can see through my life,

Only you,
Can touch me deep inside,

I still believe in dreamin,
You see,
in to my mind,
I still believe in dreamin,
You see,
through my eyes,

I try so hard to feel you,
but you're nowhere in sight,

I try so hard to reach you,
To heal this pain inside,

Oh! Darling can you hear me,
Please show me that you're there,
Darling can you hear me,
I've been searching everywhere,

Only you,
Can see through my life,

Only you,
Can touch me deep inside,

You must have been an Angel,
to get inside my mind,

You must have been an Angel,
to take me back through time,
Darling can you help me,
I need to find my way,
Darling can you tell me,
I wanted you to stay,

Only you,
Can heal me deep inside,

Only you,
Can heal my mind.

Copyright © 2010 John Bevan

Optimistic

People have said that I'm optimistic. I'm not, I wish I was then perhaps this wouldn't be so painful having to wait for other people to make the decisions in order to be with the person you love. Am I a patient person? To an extent yes but again wanting to be with someone throws all that out of the window. In order for me to cope with all this I have to be optimistic or I'd be screaming my lungs out now. To say that I haven't cried during this process would be lying. But any descent man who loved his fiancee, would at some point. Especially when you know you've found someone special, your soul mate. The one you've always wanted to be with since you were a young boy.
 They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. But it doesn't it just pines for the person you're missing the person you love. You have to stay optimistic or you end up a depressed mess.

The First Time I Laid Eyes On Her

   It wasn't before long that I'd bought a passport and plane tickets to travel to the U.S. to meet this lady that had caught my heart in such a short amount of time. I just hoped, she felt the same way about me. We had to wait five months before I could visit but we talked every day online. Sometimes from three in the afternoon till six the next day. I'd even introduced her to my family and Michelle hit it off with my Mom straight away. I couldn't believe it, all the others couldn't stand her. Saying that she was to bossy or to much of a snob.

Thankfully I managed to save some money for when I finally got to go and see Michelle. She was so nervous about me travelling on the plane. With the terrorist threats and just flying in general. I was okay about it because I'd flown before. Admittedly not at that long a distance but it was still flying  and I wasn't fazed by it at all. I had to make a change of flight a Charlotte and then on to my next destination. The whole journey took thirteen hours. I was expecting to be so tired when I got off. But I think the excitement of being able to finally meet the lady who has shared so many things with me, had taken over. Before I'd even got on to the plane my Mom made sure I was dressed in an appropriate manor. Shirt, tie and suit Wendy and I had joked about what I should wear, for when I was on my way over and not wearing a suit was one of them. Parents hey, what are they like. What my Mom didn't realize was there was four foot of snow waiting for me at the end of the journey.

 As I walked through the exit doors I recognised Michelle pretty much straight away. Not only that she rushed up and threw her arms around me. I can't say much because I was so pleased to finally be with her. We squeezed each other so tight. It took nearly ten minutes for us to release each other not that I'm complaining because we were able to kiss each other for the fist time. How much I'd fallen for this beautiful lady, her auburn hair and beautiful smile it just melted my heart.  

As we waded through the winter snow to Michelle's car we did nothing but hold hands and talk about the journey and how long we had waited for this moment. Michelle said that at one moment she thought that she'd recognized me on an earlier flight and ran up to some complete stranger asking if he was John. Fortunately the gentleman wasn't named John at all or I'd have been waiting at the airport for quite a while. 

It was funny as we drive to Michelle's it was as if we'd known each other since we were teenagers. Laughing and joking about how she went to the wrong person when we'd talked and seen each other over webcam for months.
   






Copyright © 2011 John Bevan 

I Blame Myself

I was sitting here thinking today about my life and just people in general. It's funny how we nearly always place blame on everyone else but ourselves. Take me for instance, when I was sixteen I wanted to go to art college. Simple thing I love art so I went for an evaluation or test if you like to enter in to a college for art a'level. So we had to draw a bone that was put in front of us. Afterwards we each had to have an interview with the head of the art department. Needless to say I never knew much about art history at the time other than Da Vinci painted the Mona Lisa. See we never covered art history at school I never knew that I would need to study in the reasons for the paintings until much later in life. Needless to say I failed the interview they said I could go to the college but I would have to stay on for another year. Which would have put a strain on my mom and finances so I went to another college to do a course in study window displays. You know designing displays for cloth shop windows I hated it and left after six months.
  You see the thing was I blamed my mom for not having the money to be able to afford for me to study art. When in reality it was my own fault. The same goes for everything else that went wrong in my life in my life really. When the only person I should have been pointing the blame at was the person I see in the mirror every day. The same goes for relationships from my first long term to current. My first relationship I was to blind to see what I had and through it away. If I could have turned back the clock I would have done it in a heartbeat. My other two long term relationships I married, the first I thought I was doing the right thing by getting married . Partly because I'd managed to get her pregnant within a month of us seeing each other. Instead of turning away I stayed with her for four years then I'd finally had enough of being told what to do and the verbal abuse that went with it. Truth be known, I didn't love her and I wasted both of our lives in search for happiness. We eventually separated and I think she hated me for quite along time after that and I don't blame her.
 The second was with someone who'd been in an abusive relationship both mentally and physically. Instead of just running a mile I moved in and spent ten years trying to sort out the problems. Looking back it was the biggest mistake of my life. Constantly being accused of affairs when ever I went to visit her uncle who was a friend of mine. Then being blamed for asking her to spend time with me and the kids. When all she wanted to do was go out to her mates. Here's an example New Years Eve, we'd all gone to a party that ran on till one o'clock in the morning. When we got home the first thing she said was "I'm off out to my friends for a couple of hours." I couldn't believe it. Isn't Christmas time meant to be spent with the family? It broke my heart and when I tried to talk about getting help to sorting it out she just wasn't interested.
Did the whole relationship affect me? I'd be a fool to say it hadn't. When she finally came out with I don't love you anymore. On her return trip from Birmingham after saying she was staying with her mom but actually spent the weekend with her eldest daughters father, I told her I was leaving. We'd been married a month by now and I just couldn't believe that she just through it away.
 Looking back I should have just walked away the first time she cheated on me about three years in to the relationship instead of forgiving her.
 Maybe I need to change? I know I need to forget. I hope this goes some way towards that because I feel like it is affecting my current relationship and I don't want it to. It's not a matter of trust or insecturity, it's a matter of moving forward getting over the past because I love her with all my heart and we have such a promising and loving future ahead.

They Came

Darkness falls across the sky,
Beams of light hit the earth,
No one knows why,
They came with wrath,
and birth,

Millions of miles they traveled,
and landed here on earth,
Living in the woodlands,
feeding on the wildlife,
They scavenged,
as they gave birth,

The screams were heard,
from across the seas,
As they devoured the innocent,
and brought us to our knees,
injecting venom,
spreading disease,

They quickly spread,
throughout the world,
Devouring the souls,
now living dead,
As we fight for survival,
with water and bread,
while those infected,
are eating flesh,
of those not dead,

The only thing,
that wasn't infected,
The venomous creatures,
had not injected,
devoured,
poisoned,
digested themselves,
This is a day,
from living hell.

Copyright © 2011 John Bevan