Cheats

I would have posted this comment but as you know it won't allow me to.

The sky is blue and the sun is shining, anyway back to the post.

The trick is to look forward and not dwell on the past. You should know this you've told me often enough lol.

If someone cheats on you during a relationship it's best to go separate ways. 

The reason is that if you forgive them you are giving the ok for them to do it again.

Believe me I know, and I dare say you do as well deep down.

Although we think things will be ok they very rarely are and you end up feeling more hurt and betrayed.

Heaven knows it's hard to pick up the pieces and move on but the way to look at it is there are better things ahead.

Not all men and women are bastards or bitches eventually you find the right one. As for culture reasons, the words bollocks spring to mind.

It's a choice either stick with the person you're in love with or get out of the relationship.

And although at first it does hurt and you feel like your world is caving in.

You eventually realize that it wasn't meant to be and move on.

Our case in point, we've both had iffy relationships throughout our lives.

But I can honestly say I've never felt more alive being with you, than with any of the women I've been with.

Even though we are at present miles apart I love you completely. 

And I know you feel the same way. 

We have a long journey to go, but knowing that you love me and we'll be together soon pulls me through.

Thinking of the good times we've had and the ones we are yet to have. These are the things that should be focused on.

Your friend should focus on these things as well. Although her relationship is over she has a lot to look forward to.

College/Universities new people, new start in life and experiences similar interests, all of these will help with rebuilding her life.

Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

Unconditional

 I never found it easy to talk to girls when I was younger. I was always the quiet one, and if ever I did ask someone out I was mostly knocked back. Forever the nice guy who never gets the girl especially when I was at school. At that point I could count the amount of girls I'd been out with on one hand. Then adolescence at the age of seventeen I went out with someone for 11months. When we broke up it was the worst time of my life and I mean worst. I'd recently been made redundant and my girlfriend had split up with me. I ended up in the back garden tears rolling down my eyes thinking of ending everything. Thankfully! I didn't go through with it but I swore I would never cheat on someone I loved again.

  I'm thirty nine now and my heart has been broken so many times I daren't mention.  Well I say so many times, I can count how many relationships I've been in on two hands. Why is it when you've had your heart broken you tend to put up barriers, obstacles, defense systems in fear of it happening again but in doing that there's a tendency to push the one you love away. I know this because I've done it myself when I was seventeen. I was afraid of letting her in and in the end, I ended up hurting both of us.

 Now when I go in to a relationship it's with my heart held out. Most of the time it's been tore up, spat out and bruised never held gently caressed or cared for. Everything is given, No if, buts or maybes just everything I have, life is to short to not fall in love with someone who feels the same way, has the same interests, who wants what you want, and wants to enjoy lives experiences with you, this is someone you'll enjoy life with continuously until the end. Keep hold of them and never let them go and you'll both enjoy the life you live. Don't ever throw that away because the rewards are immense.

Love you Wendy




Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

Dreams

After saying good night to my darling Wendy, at 0338 in the morning. I had the most horrific nightmare and woke up about three times before I finally managed to nod off. Anyway the dream was about an isolated country home not sure of the location but lets face it, it's a dream and most things are vague. There were two young lads(boys) living in this house. I have an idea it was a holiday home  for weekend couples because of the setting and the way the rooms were laid out. As I was walking through the house I noticed it was quiet, you could hear a pin drop. Some of the walls had blood running down them . As I was walking down this one corridor I noticed one of the lads, just standing in the doorway. He had a kitchen knife in his hand, Blood running down the blade and his face had an evil look. at that point I decided to run. No surprise there, but don't forget there were two of them and I had no idea where he was. So the chase began and in the process stepping over the dead bodies that lay on the floor. Both of the boys were chasing me, at some point we ended up outside. I ran for some nearby woods. What an excellent idea, Not! Because now, I was unable to see them coming. I don't think I made it because the lads were still chasing me when I woke up. 
Thankfully I hate having dreams like these, it's rare for me to have dreams/nightmares these day and then remember them. I even scared myself when I woke up because it had only been an hour before I'd said goodnight to my fiancée. So you can imagine how dark it was  and I'll defy any one who said they weren't afraid of the dark when they were little children.
 When I was a child my imagination got the best of me, mind you my sister and I feared the same thing when we were living in a house in Maypole. It got to a point where I used to sleep under the blankets near the bottom of the bed. I also resorted to hiding in a little cupboard that was just above a fitted wardrobe. you know the one you put blankets and linen in. 


Oh well hopefully the next dream I have will be a good one, and one I can remember to let you know about. So long for now and don't forget it's just a nightmare.  :)





Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

Eyes Wide Shut!

I was checking my fb today when I noticed a friend had posted something in reply to a question. Thats when I started to think about friends. Not just friends you go to the pub with or friends you talk to, but true friends.
I have had many friends during my early life, but to be true to myself. There has only been two real friends. They are both similar to myself in feelings, views etc. The first of these was Scott, we first met when I was in Junior and Infants school. I'd moved from Kings Norton (Birmingham) U.K to Maypole and put in to the local school and I mean local a one minute walk. Me and Scott got on pretty much straight away. I was alway being pick on and getting in to fights and my mom wanted me to get in to some sort of martial art to defend myself. That's when I found out that Scott went to judo once a week. My mom was keen for me to take it up. so we used to hang out quite a bit.
 We lost contact with each other once we'd started senior school. It's only over the past 6 Months that we've regained our contact. Funnily enough he's going out with one of the girls from our year in junior school. I had a crush on her many, many years ago, even asked her out once which she declined. But anyway where was I oh yes! I'm hoping to meet up with him in May for a drink and chat it will be good to catch up.
 The other is Andrew who I had met at Senior school again we had similar personalities during our teenage years. We lost contact when we used to hang around with a group of friends. A group of both girls and boys, we used to go to the pictures once a week. Watching films like Top Gun, Stand By Me, The Goonies and My Girl of course we had to watch these types of films because the girls wanted to watch them. I must admit I didn't mind I enjoyed most and all types of films. E.T was a tear jerker lol. The thing with hanging out with the girls was that most of them were going out with the other and switched around quite a bit. Andrew was no exception and subsequently went out with Sarah one of the girls. Once that happened he just disappeared and after that the group just seemed to disband. During this time I'd moved again to the other side of Birmingham to a place called Castle Vale. Nothing to do with Castles, in fact it used to be one of the old army Airplane landing grounds.
 But my point is that these are my best friends, we've all been through tough times. One more recently with the loss of his father to whom I contributed a poem for. I look forward to catching up with them one day.
To Scott and Andy here's to you both.



Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

It's My Life

During my life I have met some wonderful people my fiancée included. But I have also met some that have problem following through with comments they've made or decisions they've made. The hypocrites lets call them for now. they make a comment about someone not doing something then do it themselves or they say their going to do something themselves and not follow through with it. Why? If you're not going listen to your own advice what's the point in commenting? We all have our faults and problems but without talking about things they never get sorted. My Mom for example when I was younger and she kicked my dad out. She said that we were going to America to live if my dad didn't leave. Never happened! My ex-wife said she wanted to get married. my dad paid for the reception and low and behold after the wedding within a month it was "I don't love you, didn't want to get married anyway". It seems like all my life I've been messed around. Oh I'll meet you here and not turn up.
It's like when I left school and wanted to go to college to study art. My Mom said "You can do the course but you'll have to stay on for another year and I can't really afford it but you can do this one".So what do I do? Take the other course to make it easier on my Mother. Ten years down the line she said "If you wanted to do the course you should have stayed on. Please give me a break! Anyway enough for now! back some other time to tell you more about my life and how things are moving.




Copyright © 2011 John Bevan

Wendy

Every day without you, hurts me to,
It takes everything within me,
to see me through,
I love everything about you,
and the things you do,


You put a shell up to hide it,
to not feel it to,
But it puts up a barrier,
between me and you,
Before I came over,
we were closer than this,
To get back that time again,
would be my only wish,


When I was there,
I felt the love inside,
The thing you're trying so desperately,
to conceal and hide,


I said I wouldn't hurt you,
and I never will,
You see I love you so much,
and always will,
But please let me know,
how you feel inside,
So I can feel your love,
that you hold inside.


Forever Yours


John 






Copyright © 2011 John Bevan